Blindsided
by JenJenJen13
Summary: AU. “I just want you to watch out for Nene while I’m gone,” Hideyoshi was saying. Toshiie blinked. “Yeah, sure, but what am I supposed to do with her?” he asked. Hideyoshi grinned. “Ah, just keep her happy, do whatever she wants, that sort of thing…”
1. Week 1: Nene

My first SW-only story. Written the characters before, but not out of an Warriors Orochi setting. URGE TO PUT LING TONG IN THIS STORY SOMEWHERE RISING (just kidding :P)

All right, what else should I mention… AU setting, characters might be a little OOC because of it but I've tried my best to keep them as IC as possible without, y'know, destroying the whole story.

Uh, if you're offended by sexual references left and right and bad language, there's a fair amount ahead. I didn't put it as M because it's nothing explicit.

Also, s'posed is only spelled like that in the summary because I needed the extra characters (stupid 255 character limit—seriously, if you haven't written a summary on here before, IT IS HARD). I can spell 'supposed', I promise :)

-

_Sunday_~

"Now, now, Toshiie, there really isn't much for you to do around here while I'm gone," Hideyoshi was saying, as he walked down the hallway of Oda Towers, "but business is business, and I just want you to make sure Nene'll be safe while I'm gone…"

"Right," said Toshiie, blinking a bit, "so… what exactly do you want me to do with her, Hideyoshi?"

"Oh, you know, whatever," said Hideyoshi, "just keep her happy, do whatever she wants you to do, in case she needs something, that sort of thing…"

"Okay," said Toshiie, still confused as to why Hideyoshi needed him to babysit his wife, of all people—"well, if you insist, Hideyoshi! Your wife'll be safe with me, I promise."

Hideyoshi grinned. "Oh, there wasn't a doubt in my mind Nene'd be safe with you, Toshiie, I'm more worried whether or not you'll be safe with _her_!"

Toshiie's eyes got noticeably wider hearing _that_—"uh, what!?" he asked, confused. "What the hell does _that_ mean!?"

Hideyoshi just grinned wider. "See ya on Saturday!" He gave Toshiie a wave over his right shoulder and sauntered off in his weird monkey-walk.

Toshiie scratched his spiky head of dark brown hair. Well, this was going to be an interesting week…

-

_Monday_~

Toshiie reported bright and early Monday morning to Oda Towers, some clothes and other things he figured he'd need for the week thrown half-hazardly into a bag he was carrying over his shoulder.

Hopefully Nene's a good cook, he thought hopefully, his empty stomach rumbling. He'd overslept, and breakfast _was_ the most important meal of the day, next to lunch and dinner…

Heck, he'd never met her; he was surprised he'd been friends with Hideyoshi for about two years and had never met his wife. Then again, Hideyoshi really didn't talk about her much, either…

Actually, considering the fair amount of skirt-flipping, boob-groping and tail-chasing Hideyoshi did on an hourly basis, Toshiie wouldn't have thought Hideyoshi was even _married_…

Maybe he's embarrassed of her, Toshiie thought, his mind wandering as the elevator ascended to the penthouse, maybe Hideyoshi just married her for her money, and she's ugly?

No, that wasn't right, Hideyoshi was rich on his own, or something—he'd played Monkey Boy in those commercials like thirty years ago, and even though his parents stole half of his money and moved to Australia, he still retained most of his fortune. Exactly how Toshiie remembered all this, he wasn't quite sure, but there you have it.

I wonder what kind of nutcase would marry Hideyoshi, Toshiie mused, getting off the elevator and heading to the front door of Hideyoshi and Nene's penthouse suite. Probably some half-woman half-monkey hybrid thing. He fought down snorts of laughter at the mental images as he knocked on the front door—OHSHIT.

Toshiie was staring at a pair of boobs, barely contained inside a ruffly short yellow and white halter-dress thingy, and finally he looked up and—holy shit, **this is Hideyoshi's wife!?**

The woman at the door—Nene, clearly—wasn't very tall, but she made up for it in boo—beauty, there we go. Toshiie mentally punched his hormones in the face and grinned hazily at the woman. "Hi?" he offered. _Smooth_.

Why did suddenly turning around and running away shrieking sound like a good idea? At twenty-three, Toshiie was by no means in control of his stupid hormones (had something to do with never getting laid during his teenage years thanks to stupid Keiji following him around everywhere—girls were afraid Toshiie would get them pregnant and Keiji would be related to their future offspring) and putting the old Maeda charm on Mrs. Toyotomi was starting to look like a damn good idea.

She had to be a gold digger. Why else would a girl this hot marry _Hideyoshi_!?

Oh, right. Staring at boobs. Knock it off, self. Toshiie offered the woman a winning smile.

"Hello?" said Nene, looking confused. "Are you the owner of that orphanage I laid siege to the other day? Well I'm terribly sorry for your property damages but you really should learn to provide a better environment for those poor children!!"

"Uhh, no, I'm not," said Toshiie quickly, "I'm Toshiie Maeda, ma'am, uhh—are you Hideyoshi's wife?"

Nene blinked a few times. "Oh—you're _Toshiie_!! Not someone from the department of child services—come in come in come in!" She giggled nervously, grabbed Toshiie's arm before he could get a word out of his mouth, and dragged him inside. "And, uh, if the police happen to pay me a visit a bit later, well, um, _I set those children free because someone had to take care of them_!"

"Right," said Toshiie, a bit weirded out, "nice to meet you?"

Well, she might be insane, but she was cute. Very cute. In fact, if she wasn't all covered in _Hideyoshi_ he might be tempted to, as his nephew Keiji liked to say, 'show her how the Maeda clan gets it done' (yes, lame, it was cooler when Keiji said it, sadly), and—

He mentally smacked himself. What the hell am I thinking!? Hideyoshi's wife! Hideyoshi didn't invite you into his house to seduce his wife, you're here because he wants you to make sure she's okay while he's gone!

"Hideyoshi told me all about you!" Nene was saying, pulling him along towards the smell of something delicious, "and I hope you're hungry because I just made breakfast and there's no way I can eat all of this myself!"

"Food? Now that sounds good," said Toshiie, perking up. Nene beamed approvingly.

"It's always good for a young man to eat," she said cheerfully, pushing him down into a chair, "eat up!"

Toshiie looked down at the steaming plate of food in front of him—eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns—the whole nine yards of breakfast, and then some! "This smells great," he told her, his eyes wide.

"It'll smell better in your stomach where it belongs," said Nene firmly, sitting down at her own plate, "you're here to keep me company, the least I can do is make sure you get some balanced meals!"

Toshiie nodded and went about stuffing his face. Nene beamed approvingly, waiting for Toshiie's plate to almost be clean before plopping another serving of pretty much everything on there. "Don't stop when you're ahead!" she said cheerfully, "I made plenty, don't you worry about eating me out of house and home!"

_Did she just say—ARGGHH TOSHIIE HEAD OUT THE GUTTER! _Damn hormones. Toshiie nodded through a mouthful of food and settled for just… thinking about Hideyoshi. And Keiji. Hideyoshi and Keiji. In a hot tub. The un-sexiest things he could think of, concentrated into one mental image.

Nene turned around, her boobs bouncing—"want some coffee?" she asked, and Toshiie shook his head hurriedly, quickly adding imaginary Katsuie in that hot tub with Keiji and Hideyoshi.

Toshiie stopped thinking about _that_, since he was afraid he'd _throw up everything he had ever eaten —way to go grossing yourself out, self_—and noticed Nene was bustling about the kitchen, already having finished her food, and totally bent over. She had a nice ass.

_DAMMIT TOSHIIE._ Toshiie resolved for making sure his staring was less lecherous and more… uhh… discrete. Yeah. Discrete ogling. Damn hormones.

Nene dropped a couple dishes into the dishwasher, pressing a few buttons and turning around, smiling at Toshiie. About _time_ her husband has a handsome young man delivered to the house, she'd been begging Hideyoshi to invite a friend over when he was off on a 'business trip'…

While she might be (mildly) insane, a stupid woman Nene was _not_—and she wasn't blind to all those 'business trips' her husband often had to take. Business trip her _ass_, if he needed to go on a business trip so badly, he might remember to bring his briefcase!

"Did Hideyoshi say anything about that business trip he was going on?" Nene asked conversationally, tracing Toshiie's biceps with her eyes.

"Nhg," said Toshiie though a mouthful of food. Nene scowled—_BAD MANNERS!_—and he hastily swallowed before answering her question. "No," he said, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, before feeling Nene burning holes in the top of his head with his glare and reaching for a napkin, "something about Florida, he had to give some new secretary the grand tour of that new thing he's having built down there…"

Actually, Toshiie knew full well Hideyoshi's 'business trips' were, in fact, a Hajj of poon, but he wasn't about to tell Nene that. What was that bros before hoes rule? Hideyoshi was hardly a bro and Nene wasn't a ho, but it got the point across, or something…

He could hear Keiji's voice in his head now, actually—"BROS BEFORE HOES CAN ONLY BE IGNORED WHEN THERE'S A CHANCE YOU CAN GET LAID, UNCLE T!"

Nene nodded tightly. Another _secretary_, huh!? Well—if Hideyoshi could sneak about with secretaries (hardly sneak, the narration would like to say) then she could conduct her _own _secret affair! So there!

…although it was terribly _mean_ to conduct an affair with a friend of her husband's… Nene frowned a bit, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. Toshiie yawned, stretching his arms, and the sleeveless t-shirt he was wearing hugged his chest muscles with the motion.

_Chest muscles_~ Nene hoped she wasn't, y'know, drooling obviously—hey, for a twenty-five year old, she was no cougar _thank you_, but still!—and she smiled at Toshiie. "I'm glad you're here!" she told him, "I'm sure we'll be good friends by the time my husband gets home~"

Toshiie matched her smile with a grin of his own. Yep, this was going to be a fun week.

-

The day had been going by great; Toshiie was sitting on the couch watching TV, tuckered out from a long day spent in the giant swimming pool in the back of the building, trying to burn the mental images of Nene in a yellow string bikini into his brain forever and the dirty thoughts that accompanied said mental images _out_. Dammit but his hormones were going to get him in trouble!

Then again, it wasn't like Hideyoshi didn't cheat on _her_ left and right. For all he knew, that poor woman cried her eyes out every night because her husband was two-timing her, or worse, if she really _was _a gold digger and was just after his money, that probably meant she didn't give a crap about Hideyoshi's feelings and would be more than willing to have sex with the (if he didn't say so himself) hunky twenty-three year old on her couch—

"Toshiiiiiiiiiiiiie~" called Nene from the kitchen, and Toshiie jumped and flailed about, trying to regain his composure—SHIT SHIT SHIT SHE CAN READ MINDS CAN'T SHE!?

"Uhh—coming!" he said immediately, and—dammit, when all you ever thought about was sex everything sounded like a sexual innuendo—dammit, Toshiie, stop acting like a damn thirteen year old! You're a _man_, dammit—

"Can you come here?"

"Sure!" said Toshiie, hurrying into the kitchen, wishing he could pull his hormones out of his brain and set them _on fire —_"what is it, Nene? You all right?"

"Oh, I'm just fine!" said Nene brightly, wearing a colorful apron reading 'Ninjas have rights too!', "can you get something for me?"

"Anything for you," Toshiie found himself saying, before he could filter his brain. Well, better that slipped out than 'are you wearing anything under that apron'. He didn't imagine that would have gone over well.

"You're so tall," said Nene, pointing to a cabinet, "can you get the paprika for me?"

"Uhh, sure," said Toshiie, going over to the cabinet and making a face, "…which one is that?"

Nene giggled. "You don't know your spices, do you? I should teach you a thing or two about cooking!" She thought for a second. "Hmm—maybe you could just boost me up, and I'll get it?"

Toshiie's brain promptly exploded—"Sure," he said, and stupidly held his arms out to pick her up around her waist, enough that he could she could reach the stupid cabinet.

Stupid cabinet? _Wonderful_ cabinet. He picked her up and Nene immediately squirmed around a bit, trying to get herself situated.

Didn't help she was so much shorter than he was he literally had to hoist her up, but at least that meant she wouldn't be in somewhere totally awkward, right?

Just in case—Hideyoshi, Keiji and Katsuie in a hot tub—

"Hmmm," said Nene, rummaging through the cabinet, "now whatever happened to that darn paprika? I know it's in here _somewhere_!"

Nene smells good, Toshiie found himself thinking, gleefully trying to inhale as much of her smell as he could—sure, it was weird that he was _sniffing his friend's wife_, but it seemed normal enough when he didn't think about it…

"Darn it," said Nene, "it's not _here_—" She turned around in Toshiie's arms to look through the floating island cabinet, and didn't seem to realize where Toshiie's face had wound up.

Between her boobs. Toshiie's face was bright red again, redder than Renji Abarai's hair. "Uhh—Nene—" His voice was muffled. Well, he tried to warn her, _she_ didn't listen~

Nene had already recovered the spice in question, and poked Toshiie's head—"Toshiie?"

No response.

"Toshiie?"

Still nothing.

She pinched his ear. "TOSHIIE!"

Toshiie jumped, finally, submerging from Nene boob long enough to manage an intelligent "huh?". Nene sighed and tapped his head.

"You can put me down now," she told him, "I've got the paprika~!"

"Oh, great," said Toshiie, setting her down and hurrying out of the room _immediately_—aaaaaaaah but he couldn't handle a whole week of this!

And you shut up!He glared at his lap and settled himself on the couch again, begging the higher gods for the gift of _restraint_…

-

Dinner had come and gone, and 9:30PM was bedtime in the Toyotomi household (according to Nene, at least). Nene checked her watch and smiled. "Well, time for bed!" she said cheerfully, standing up and stretching her arms over her head.

"Night, Nene," said Toshiie, settling on the couch and propping a pillow behind his head. He wasn't particularly tired but watching TV usually made him doze off pretty fast…

He shifted over a bit, and failed to notice Nene was still in the room. Then he rolled over, and promptly squawked—"I thought you were in bed!"

"Not yet!" said Nene, "were you planning on watching something _naughty_!?" She frowned.

"No!" said Toshiie immediately, "I was just, uhh—"

"Well, you look like you're planning on sleeping on the couch," said Nene.

Toshiie nodded. "Unless there's somewhere else I can sleep…?" He was being a bit presumptuous in taking the couch, after all…

"Well, of course I do! You can sleep in my bed!" said Nene cheerfully.

Toshiie quite thought he misheard her—"come again?"

"In my bed," repeated Nene.

"Where are you gonna sleep?"

"Duh, right in bed next to you!"

Toshiie didn't even try to point out that a guy sleeping in another man's bed with his wife was a bit _odd_; but, what the hell~ "Okay," he agreed, getting up and following her into the bedroom.

Actually… ew, this was where Hideyoshi _slept_. Gross.

"I'll get lonely in that big bed all by my lonesome," Nene was saying, walking into the bathroom and coming out a few seconds later wearing a tiny little yellow nightgown dress thingy, and climbed into bed. "Well, good night!"

"Good night," Toshiie managed, and settled down in bed to sleep, tucking a pillow between himself and _Mrs. Toyotomi_ just to make sure _nothing regrettable happened_. Yeah, this was gonna be a fun week…

-

_Tuesday_~

*DING~DONG*

"I'll get it," said Toshiie, getting up and going over to the door. He opened the door and was greeted by the grinning face of his nephew. "KEIJI!? What are you doing here!?"

"Well, thanks for the warm welcome, there, Uncle T," said Keiji snidely, "seriously, I get you're happy t'see me but frankly, it's getting a little embarrassing!"

Toshiie groaned. "I'm not supposed to let anyone in! What are you doing here?"

"I'm always here on Tuesdays," said Keiji, grinning, "Tuesday's cookie day! …what the hell are you doing here?"

"Hideyoshi asked me to stay with Nene while he was gone," Toshiie answered.

Keiji looked outraged. "You didn't tell me that!"

"Exactly. I liked to think of it as a vacation from _you_, and then you go and show up."

"This is the thanks I get for—oh, forget it. Where's Nene, anyway?"

"Riiiiight heeeere," sang Nene cheerfully from the kitchen, "it's okay Toshiie, Keiji's a sweetheart~"

"A _sweetheart_?" Toshiie repeated, following gleeful Keiji into the kitchen, "who are you and what have you done with the Keiji _I_ know?"

"Aww, Uncle T," said Keiji fondly, "always with the jokes! What'd you make this week, Nene?"

"Chocolate chip," said Nene, "I was going to put some icing on them but I remembered you're allergic~!"

Keiji beamed through a mouthful of cookies. "You're the best, Nene~"

Toshiie didn't know whether to be confused by this alliance, or freaked out; instead he just decided to get over it (if he ended up succumbing to his hormones and conducting an affair with Nene, family support was probably a good idea) and helped himself to a cookie.

"MINE," Keiji hollered, cocking a fist back to punch his offending uncle in the mouth. Nene reacted quicker than Toshiie did (Toshiie ready with a fist to match Keiji's), and smacked Keiji's hand with a wooden spoon.

"KEIJI," she scolded, "calm yourself! You should be ashamed! There's plenty of cookies for everyone!"

"Yes, ma'am," said Keiji glumly, "sorry, Uncle T…"

"Darn right you are," said Nene firmly, and pushed the plate of cookies at Keiji. "Why don't you boys go watch TV while I get things cleaned up in here?"

"Nene, you don't have to clean up yourself, I'm sure Keiji would love to help you," said Toshiie, grinning evilly at his nephew.

"No thanks, I'd rather eat cookies," said Keiji, "c'mon Uncle T, I bet you still suck at Kirby!"

"Why you—" The gauntlet had been thrown, and Toshiie was not one to back down from a challenge, particularly from his stupid nephew (despite their age difference, which was barely a year), "c'mon, then!"

"Don't have _too_ much fun, someone might lose an eye," Nene called worriedly.

-

"So what are you really doin' here?" asked Keiji, "you puttin' the moves on Nene when Hideyoshi's gone?"

Toshiie almost dropped the controller. "_No_," he grumbled. "I told you, Hideyoshi asked me to stay here for a week while he's out of town, he doesn't want to leave Nene home alone, or something."

"So… you're here to _babysit_ her?" Keiji asked, confused.

"No, just keep her company, beat up anyone who tries to break in, that sort of thing," said Toshiie, shrugging.

"Hideyoshi asked you to have sex with his wife while he was gone?" Keiji asked blankly, "you got the best friends, man… if Kanetsugu was actually _getting_ any tail he probably wouldn't lemme sleep with her—"

"HE DIDN'T SAY THAT," Toshiie said loudly, "if he _did_, do you really think I'd be sitting here on this couch talking to _you_ of all people!? And Kanetsugu's a nerd."

"Point taken, on all accounts," said Keiji agreeably, "seriously, though, what else _could_ he have meant!? Who hires a babysitter for their _wife_!?"

"He was worried about her! I don't know!" said Toshiie, exasperated, "can we talk about something else now?"

"Oh, Uncle T," said Keiji fondly, "you don't know nothin' about sex or whatever, do ya?"

"Of course I do, asshole, and even if I didn't, it'd be a conversation I would be completely uncomfortable having with _you_! It's none of your business!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm only tryin' to help," said Keiji, shaking his head, his blonde hair nearly decapitating Toshiie as he did, "…but I do know you've only had sex like four times, s' no surprise you're all _defensive_—"

"Four _women_! Not four times! And I'm not being defensive!"

"Same thing—and you are too!— Wait, did you _already_ screw 'er?"

"NO!"

"Sheesh you're uptight! I think it'd be good for ya, Toshiie! Y'know, put that Maeda kielbasa in that Nene Hickory Farms gift basket—"

"KEIJI! She's in the other room, she's gonna be able to hear you! And that doesn't make any sense! Whatever happened to 'show her how the Maeda clan gets it done!?', I liked that one!"

"Okuni likes the new one better," said Keiji, shrugging his shoulders, "and although the new saying's kinda weird, I do whatever I gotta do to keep my girl all happy in her panties~"

"That's more information about your sex life than _I ever wanted to hear_," said Toshiie, thoroughly disgusted. "Shut up!"

"Well, s' why we're talking about yours! What was I saying—ah, right, when you're done, y'can be all 'NOTCH ONE UP TO ME' like ya always like to say—"

"**KEIJI**! SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!"

"And me, your supportive nephew, won't breathe a word! Unless ya touch Okuni and then I'll beat ya like ya owe me money!"

"I won't owe you money, I'd have slept with your girlfriend, I'd think that'd be a bit worse," said Toshiie thoughtfully.

Keiji glared at him. "Sounds like you've given this some thought!"

Toshiie held up his hands. "I haven't. If I wanted to sleep with your girlfriend, I would have done so already."

"Yer damn right you would—HEY," said Keiji, scowling, "Okuni's _picky_! She doesn't have sex with _everyone_! Only _me!_"

"Right," said Toshiie, rolling his eyes. "I believe that. Just as much as I believe you're a natural blonde."

"Huh, you're still a non-believer, eh?" asked Keiji, shaking his head (and nearly knocking Toshiie off the couch with his giant bleach-blonde ponytail swinging left and right). "Lemme tell you a story…"

What little part of Keiji's story Toshiie actually _paid attention to_ were usually responded to with various facial expressions varying from 'D:' to '-_-'. Exactly how this story had anything to do with his Nene problem was beyond _him_, but—

"And then the strippers came!" finished Keiji cheerfully.

"Right," said Toshiie, taking advantage of the momentary quiet to punch Keiji in the head and steal the advantage—he hit the A button frantically, and—"HA!" He set the controller down, smirking. "Round two?"

"ARGHHH," groaned Keiji.

-

_Wednesday_~

"Hey, Nene, I was going to go to the gym downstairs, do you want to—are you expecting someone?" Toshiie asked, walking into the living room and seeing Nene plumping some pillows on the couch. And she was bent over. Toshiie had to physically turn his head so he was staring at something else.

"Oh, yes! I'm having an old friend of mine over, her husband's the owner of the—what are you staring at?" Nene asked, noticing him staring at the cabinets, "is there something crooked over there!?"

"No, no," said Toshiie quickly, "just, uh—making sure my hair is all right~"

"All right then, you go have fun," said Nene, all smiles, "and don't lift too much and tear your muscles!"

"Will do," Toshiie promised, hurrying out the front door, and bumping right into a tall woman dressed in purple.

"Oh—excuse me," he managed, looking down at the woman he'd knocked over, offering her a hand to help her up. The woman blinked a few times.

"Well, I must admit while I like it rough, I don't appreciate the gesture in public," the woman said, taking Toshiie's hand and getting to her feet, and smirking when Toshiie flushed—"oh, how _cute_~ Nene, you simply must let me play with your new friend, here…"

"Nō!!!!" squealed Nene, and for a moment Toshiie thought she was telling the other woman to back off, he was all _hers_, and then Nene flung her arms around the woman and picked her up in a hug—"it's been so _long_, Nō!"

Oh. Dammit. The woman's _name_ was Nō. Toshiie sighed.

Nō looked like she was about to make like a phoenix and burst into flames at the physical contact, and grimaced unpleasantly through Nene's hug. When Nene finally released her, she shuddered a bit, dusted off her arms and her front, and pasted that same syrupy smile back on her face.

"Yes, yes, it has been a good while," she agreed, raising a hand to prevent Nene from hugging her _again_—"so, tell me, Nene, who _might_ your new friend be…? Finally turned that monkey of yours into a pelt, hmm?"

"Nō!" said Nene, looking aghast, "don't say such things! This is Toshiie Maeda, Nō, he's staying with me while Hideyoshi's gone!"

"That was rather nice of Hideyoshi," mused Nō, "leave you with a _friend_…" She smirked at Toshiie, and Toshiie had never felt so much like a popular entree at a restaurant. "I assume you've been having _fun_?"

Sheesh, was everything this woman said a double entendre? Toshiie had never felt such a combination of terror and horny before. Yow.

"Oh, we're having tons of fun," said Nene cheerfully, "he's really good at video games, he beats me every time! He positively _spanked_ me last time we played—"

"Is 'video games' a euphemism for 'sex'?" Nō asked, smirking.

Nene looked confused. Toshiie meanwhile squirmed uncomfortably, his face bright red, and cleared his throat—"uhh, Nene, I'm—gonna go," he said quickly, "uhh—nice meeting you, ma'am—"

"Oh, the pleasure was all _mine_, I assure you," purred Nō, "Nene, I like my tea scalding…"

Toshiie shut the door behind him and scurried off towards the elevator. When Hideyoshi asked him to keep Nene safe, did that include keeping her safe from _Nō_?

-

About an hour later, Toshiie returned, his muscles all flexed and bulging, his entire body sweaty and his shorts sticking to his legs. He was highly hoping Nō had shown herself the door a bit earlier, but he unlocked the door and came inside, and—

"So you've returned," purred Nō, smirking and gracefully uncurling herself from the couch. "You look awfully tired…"

"Uh—"

"So eloquent," Nō mused, sauntering over to Toshiie and standing directly in front of him, her eyes meeting his. "In fact, you're _adorable_. I'd quite like to add you to my collection…"

Toshiie's eyes looked to the left and then to the right. Well, looks like he wouldn't be able to run…

Nō hummed to herself for a moment, examining the topography of Toshiie's chest and smirking with the knowledge that he was squirming about like a trapped rodent. She traced his abdominals with a fingertip and smirked when he jumped.

"Wh-where's Nene!?" Toshiie managed, a bit distracted—sure, he liked the cutesy sweet girls like Nene, but Nō was _really hot_…

"Single-minded," Nō commented, "I do like that in a man… Nene is in the kitchen. And while we're on the subject of my dear friend…" She trailed off, eying him, and smirked. "I believe you're familiar with a type of… _stimulation_ that women require…?"

Toshiie's eyes widened and he nodded silently.

"Yes, well… as you can imagine, Nene is awfully lonely," said Nō off-handedly, "and while it is not typical of me to do things in consideration of the well-being of others…"

"I'm confused, what does any of this have to do with me?" asked Toshiie guilelessly.

Nō had to resist the urge to facepalm—oh, what the hell. She facepalmed anyway. "You are an idiot," she said firmly, scowling.

"I am not!" said Toshiie, "you're talking about stimulation and Nene being lonely and I have no idea what you're going on about, ma'am!"

Nō sighed, loudly, and stood up to her full height, wishing she had her heels on so she'd be taller than this little twerp. "Nene has an itch that needs scratching and I'm telling you to do it. Or else…" She drew a pair of knives from her cleavage, and smirked up at Toshiie's wide-eyed expression, "…I'll have to find a way to stick these into your body, and I'd rather not do that…"

"Oh, Toshiie, you're back!" said Nene brightly, coming back into the living room and seeing them—"uhh, are you guys—NŌ WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE KNIVES!?"

"I was simply showing your _friend_ the type of activity I enjoy," purred Nō, "we're just having _fun_, Nene…"

"Your idea of fun is my idea of someone getting hurt! And vice versa!" said Nene firmly, hands on her hips, "put those away before I have to go all ball of rage and sharp ends on you!"

Nō sighed and put her knives away. "Very well," she said, "Nene, I am leaving. I will be expecting a similar rendezvous after you are less… distracted." She raised her eyebrows at Toshiie, and sauntered off.

"Nice lady," commented Toshiie, feeling both creeped out and thoroughly molested.

"Well, just as long as you weren't doing anything with her," said Nene, shaking her head and smiling, "you look huuuuuungry~"

-

_Thursday_~

"Toshiie, are you all right?" Nene asked worriedly, peering over the couch.

Toshiie's view had gone from ceiling to boob, and he promptly jumped—"oh, Nene!" he said, trying to get his head out of the gutter long enough to give her a smile. "I'm fine!"

"You don't look fine," said Nene disapprovingly, "you haven't moved from this spot all day!"

Truth be told, to motivate himself to higher achievements in the gym yesterday, Toshiie had imagined Nō was chasing him while he was jogging around the building before getting to the actual weightlifting he usually did. A hungry Nō. A hungry, _horny_ Nō, who did not know the meaning of the word _no_. No pun intended.

Anyway, his warm-up jog had turned into an Olympic sprint around the property, and he was now sore as all hell. Running wasn't his thing, dammit! He was a power guy!

Back to the important parts. Nene was looking at him like she was expecting him to suddenly sprout a second head.

"Did you lift too much yesterday?" she asked suspiciously, "Toshiie I told you to be careful!"

"I had a motivation," Toshiie groaned.

"A motivation to kill yourself?" Nene asked disapprovingly, "well, hang on a second, I know an old home remedy~"

"You do? Great, my back really is—"

Nene interrupted by rolling him over onto his back and pulling his shirt up. Before Toshiie could get a word out, she was seated atop his glorious ass, her hands rubbing all the delicious muscles that made up his back. "What hurts more?" she asked, "upper or lower~?"

Toshiie really didn't think he'd be held responsible for his actions if she kept _this_ up for too long; but he wasn't about to jump to conclusions or anything; "lower back," he managed, before plopping his face back down on a pillow.

*DING~DONG*

"Oh, there goes that doorbell again," Nene complained, sighing and getting up, smoothing down her dress before hurrying over towards the door. "Hello—MITSUNARI!"

"Nene," sighed Mitsunari.

"_Hello_ Mitsunari! How are you? Have you been eating well? You look all right, although your face does look oddly flushed—are you properly hydrated? You need eight glasses a day, you know—"

"NENE," said Mitsunari loudly, rubbing his temples, "this is why I don't come over to visit anymore!"

Nene looked appropriately unhappy. Mitsunari sighed again and pushed a package into her arms. "This is Hideyoshi's," he informed her, "is he around?"

"No, he's on a business trip," said Nene, "are you sure you don't want to come inside? You do look awfully anemic, I could make you a—"

"You just said I look all right!" complained Mitsunari, "and no, I'm fine!"

"Mitsunari!" scolded Nene, "you seem awfully grouchy today, are you having problems at home?"

"No!"

"That attitude of yours is the reason you can't hang onto a girlfriend, young man!"

"That's none of your business!"

"You'd better watch your mouth before I give you a good smack across the face!"

Mitsunari opened his mouth to reply, considered it, and closed his mouth again. Then he began beating his forehead against the doorframe.

"MITSUNARI!" Nene squawked, "are you having a seizure!?"

"NO I'M TRYING TO KILL MYSELF," Mitsunari growled, leaning back again and scowling at the doorframe. Then he noticed the half-naked muscle vault on the couch and his eyebrow raised. "Uh, Nene…?"

"Yes, Mitsunari?"

"Who's _that_?"

"That's Toshiie!" said Nene cheerfully, "he's staying with me while Hideyoshi's gone!"

"Hi," said Toshiie, from where his face was muffled by the pillow (hurry up and go home already, he was getting the best back massage ever!).

Mitsunari eyed Toshiie, then Nene, and shook his head. "Well, never would have taken you for a cougar," he said to Nene, "I'm leaving now."

"I'll tell Hideyoshi to thank you!" said Nene, waving, "bye Mitsunari!"

"Really, if you want to thank me you could just tell Hideyoshi _not_ to thank me," offered Mitsunari, but Nene shut the door in his face before he was done talking. He scowled and sulked off towards the elevator, hoping the cable would break. END MY MISERY, ELEVATOR.

"Now, where were we?" Nene chirped, re-taking her spot on top of Toshiie's ass and digging her little fingers into his back muscles, "does that feel good?"

"Sfhsfhhs," said Toshiie cheerfully, muffled by the pillow. Best thing ever~ Actually, come to think of it would Nene hold still long enough to let him give _her _one? His face took on an expression of extreme perversion. Well, never hurt to give it the ol' college effort~

"I think you need a nice long soak in a hot bath," said Nene, after a moment. Toshiie looked up (not that he could see her, lying on his stomach), and made a noise of protest, which Nene jabbed him in the back for. "Don't take that tone with me! You'll feel better after a bath!"

"All right, all right," said Toshiie, sighing and letting Nene get off his back before he sat up, "wait, a bath or a shower?"

"A bath," said Nene firmly, "I never take showers, they're so unsanitary!"

"Really?" asked Toshiie.

"Of course! Every second you're not getting rinsed off by the water, millions of little bacteria are sticking to your exposed skin and digging their disgusting pincers into your flesh," said Nene, shaking her head, "if you're in a bath full of water they can't reach you! Now make with the bath time!"

Toshiie wasn't quite sure how accurate _that_ was, but he nodded anyway and scurried off to the bathroom.

-

Toshiie didn't even know people still _took _baths, but this was the nicest tub he'd ever been in. Hell, it was more like a spa than a tub; there were the water jets blasting at his sore muscles and the water was nice and foamy (the flower-scented soap was a bit of a turnoff but whatever). He splashed around a bit, relatively cheerful.

"How's the water?"

"Great," said Toshiie cheerfully, "definitely the best bath I've had in some—" Then he realized Nene was standing _right there_, grinning down at him, and he yelped—"NENE!?"

"Yes, it's me," said Nene, practically giggling with evil intentions, "you know, Toshiie, for such a nice young man you are awfully jumpy… is there something you need to tell me? Are you hiding a closet full of murder victims back home, or something?"

"No!"

"Oh, good," said Nene cheerfully, dropping onto her knees on the floor and scooting closer so she was leaning on the tub, her arms folded and resting over the side. "I have a personal rule about associating with murderers, you understand…"

Toshiie nodded, his eyes huuuuge—instead of asking her WHAT THE HELL SHE WAS DOING IN HERE, his brain was surging with dirty dirty _dirty_ thoughts and his muscles were flexing themselves subconsciously, and he already had a new friend between his legs—DAMMIT!

Nene clearly was enjoying the show, since she was grinning like a kid in a candy store. She reached past Toshiie, her hand just brushing his pectorals, and grabbed the little shower sponge thingy Toshiie had pretty much ignored (if soaking in a flower-scented tub was forfeiting your manly credentials, using a bath sponge was lighting them on fire).

"Have you been using this~?" she asked, smiling almost like a predator as she soaked the sponge in the water and got it all soapy, "it's important to soap yourself up, you know…"

Toshiie just nodded meekly, his eyes even wider than they were _before_—_WHAT WAS SHE DOING BUT CHANCES ARE IT WAS GOING TO BE GOOD FOR TOSHIIEEEEEEEEEEE—_

"Oh, look how dirty you are," said Nene, shaking her head, reaching over and rubbing at Toshiie's chiseled chest with the sponge, "I'm going to have to scrub down _every inch of you_, aren't I?"

_PLEAAAASE_—"uhhh—Nene, uhh—"

"Well, if you insist!" said Nene cheerfully, trailing down the sponge lower, and rubbing at his abdomen, "…you know, Toshiie, I didn't really take you for a Cherry Blossom type of guy~"

"It was all I could find," admitted Toshiie, "although they do smell nice…"

"They really do," agreed Nene, "smells like Spring! In fact, they smell so nice I might just have to _join you_!"

Toshiie gave a little squeak sound at _that_, and surreptitiously covered his erection with his hands—sure, it'd been up for about the past WEEK but it was getting rather obvious, and if Nene's hand got any _lower_—

Nene, of course, was clearly orchestrating all this on purpose for the sole reason of getting into Toshiie's pants before Hideyoshi got back, and frowned a bit. Darn it, he was one of those _modest_ types—well, no worries!

"Uh oh," she said, pulling her hand out of the water, "gee, this water sure is slippery, huh? I'd better be careful or something might _fall off_—" While she spoke, Toshiie couldn't help but notice she was shaking her left hand rather viciously, and finally she got impatient and pulled her wedding ring off, promptly dropping it in the tub.

"Oops!" she said, giggling a bit, "I dropped my ring—" She reached blindly into the tub, and Toshiie squeaked incoherently as her hand grabbed _something else_ instead.

"Oh, my," said Nene, smirking, "_this_ doesn't seem to be what I'm looking for, it seems a lot _bigger_ than my ring—" She wrapping her hand around it and tugged, hard, causing Toshiie to squeak again. "Dear me, what do I have here~?"

Toshiie looked up at her pleadingly, his expression clearly begging her to finish what she'd started here (or he'd drag her into the tub and finish it _himself_). Nene giggled, her expression set as she proceeded to tighten her grip and get him off properly, delighting in the little groans he was making. "Is this how you like it?" she asked, smiling.

Toshiie made a groaning noise that sounded like 'uh-huh' and Nene grinned, sitting up some more and increasing her pace—looked like that book Nō had given her, the one about seducing young men, really _did_ have some handy tips!—and she jumped a little when he groaned even louder as he promptly came in her bathtub.

Toshiie was trying to properly phrase "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON" at the same time he was trying to properly phrase "I LOVE YOUUUU", and instead they came out as "Uhh—Nene, dsfskjskfj—".

Nene smiled and patted the top of his head. "Enjoy the rest of your bath!" she told him quickly, standing back up—oh, darn it, the book—Nene stood up to her full height and sauntered out of the bathroom, taking care to wiggle her hips as she walked (walking like Nō _was not fun_!).

Toshiie let out a loud happy groan and sunk to the bottom of the tub, reminding himself to not _drown_.

-

_Friday_~

Toshiie actually hadn't left the closet he was hiding in all day. It was at least noon; he'd waited until Nene was asleep last night before sleeping on the floor, and had immediately relocated into the closet nearby. And he hadn't moved.

Nene had called for him a little while earlier, and apparently seemed to be under the idea that he'd either gone to the gym or left forever.

Truth be told, he was hiding. For his life. After all, last night had ended both awesomely and terribly, depending on what mind he was of; his hormones were Team Have Awesome Sex With Nene, his brain was Team Hideyoshi is Your Friend, Don't Be a (or think with your) Dick.

He didn't know exactly when his brain and hormones had started warring like rabid Twilight fans, but whatever. This had BAD IDEA written all over it in size 72 font, and he was not about to partake in said bad idea, thank you.

Besides, he wasn't good with flings or one-night-stands or whatever they were called. If he _did_ have sex with Nene—hypothetically speaking of course! He wasn't still thinking about this!—then she'd roll off him and be all ':D' for Hideyoshi again the minute he walked through the door. And Toshiie was in no mood to get his poor little heart stomped into the ground, thanks.

But then again it wasn't like he'd seen any signs that Nene and Hideyoshi were actually happily married… Keiji had pictures of himself and Okuni everywhere, for example. Heck, even old Shibata! Ever since the old man'd married Oichi, he'd _figured out how to use a camera_ just so he could have pictures of the two of them plastered in his office everywhere. If that wasn't love he didn't know what was!

So it was kind of weird, come to think of it, after two years Hideyoshi'd never once mentioned Nene's existence… and he chased tail left and right! Probably was chasing tail _right now_! Nene was too sweet and wonderful to deserve _that_—

His brain chose an opportune time to pipe up. "Oh, like you care about _Nene_!? You just want to have sex with her!"

"He does not!" shouted Toshiie's heart, "he wants to _make her feel better_!"

"My ass! He just wants to sleep with her!" Toshiie's brain was not convinced. "Just ask Hormones! He can't shut up over there!"

"FUCK YEAH!" screamed Toshiie's hormones.

"See, told you!" Toshiie's brain was convinced.

"Up yours! Love conquers all! Toshiie has feelings for that woman beyond those of a carnal level! You just think you know everything!" argued Toshiie's heart.

Toshiie's brain sputtered at that. "I do know everything! I'm the brain!"

"_Toshiie's brain_," Toshiie's heart corrected, "as much as I love him, the boy's never been terribly gifted in the intelligence department—"

"FUCK YEAH!" cheered Toshiie's hormones.

"TEAM EDWARD! …wait, what the hell am I doing here?!" Toshiie's Inner Fangirl ran off.

"…that was weird," commented Toshiie's brain.

"Isn't it your stupid job to filter mind-poisoning crap like that outta here?" asked Toshiie's heart, "maybe instead of meddling in my business you should do your own job!"

"Oh, please, and what about you!? If we left it to you and Hormones, Toshiie would re-populate the human race all by himself!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

"Hormones, really, your word choice is so diverse it's frightening."

"Don't insult him! He does his job well!"

"FUCK YEAH!"

Toshiie groaned. And now he had a headache. And his heartbeat had sped up a lot. And he felt a sudden urge to proclaim a love of Edward the vampire, what the _fuck_?

Must have been something I ate, he decided, rubbing his head.

-

About two hours later, Toshiie was convinced his stomach was going to rise up and lynch him if he didn't feed it LIKE RIGHT NOW, and was sitting with his ear pressed to the door to try and figure out where Nene was. Then he heard the squeak of the bathroom door, and seized his chance—he bolted out of the closet, scrambled into the kitchen, filling his arms with as many snacks as he could carry, and right as he snuck past the bathroom, Nene let out a loud moan, which made him gasp and drop everything he was carrying.

Wide-eyed, he leaned up to the door as much as he could without _actually touching it_—oh, shit, was she—in there—and—he shouldn't be listening to this, dammit!

"Toshiieeeeee," groaned Nene quietly, so quietly Toshiie thought he might have _imagined it_—

Oh, shit. So she either wants me to go in there and—or—

Toshiie's eyes got huuuuge—is she—no, she's not, she's just—his brain went into hyper-imaginative mode, one so extreme that it'd put Keiji and all his insanities to _shame_.

Maybe she fell in the toilet! And she's stuck in there!

Or maybe she got her hand stuck in the sink!

Or maybe someone jumped out of the toilet and attacked her! After all if you're going to attack someone, hiding in the toilet is probably the best way to do it, that's where someone is most vulnerable—

"Toshi~iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii~ieeeeee~ee~~~~~!"

Yeah, she was—uhh. Now what?

Toshiie chewed on his lower lip in contemplation. There was a hot lonely woman in that bathroom right now, moaning his name and probably fantasizing all sorts of naughty nocturnal fantasies, and he was standing out here like a moron debating what to do.

FUCK YEAH, he thought, and barged right in there without any pretense, his face conveying all sorts of perverted thoughts.

"TOSHIIE!" said Nene.

"That's my name, don't—" Then Toshiie actually got a look at Nene, and squawked, losing his resolve immediately.

"OH GOD NENE," he managed, seeing her completely dressed sitting on the toilet with her legs crossed—"I—uhh—I'll just be—"

"Oh, good, it worked!" said Nene brightly, reaching for Toshiie, "I think I liked that expression on your face when you walked in here, I wouldn't mind seeing that aga—" Toshiie didn't even let her finish, crossing the distance between them, crushing her to his chest and kissing her fiercely.

Nene, of course, foresaw all of this, and got the fingers of her right hand tangled in his hair, her left hand swooping down and groping that awesome ass of his.

Toshiie was quite content to carry on like this for a good, he didn't know, maybe five—_ten_ years—until he remembered that hard ceramic thing pressing against his back was indeed a toilet. Hideyoshi's toilet.

"Umm, Nene," Toshiie managed, his breathing heavy.

"WHAT IS IT," Nene growled, looking like she was about to tear his head off for daring to interrupt.

"Uhh—we're on the toilet," Toshiie pointed out weakly, "can't we—I dunno, do this in the bed?"

"…oh, is that what you're making all this fuss about?" Nene asked, "here I thought you were going to go off on some sermon about doing this with a married woman!"

"Huh? Pfft," said Toshiie dismissively, "I'll be good and moral in every other way, I'm making a damn exception here…" He scooped her up, practically tossed her onto her bed, and tackled her.

He grinned down at her, leaning down to trail kisses along her neck, her collarbone, and leaned upwards so he could kiss her again. His hands moved to the straps of her dress, where she had tied them around her neck, his fingers fumbling with the knot and pushing them off her shoulders so the fabric slipped to her waist.

"Toshiie!" said Nene, seeming surprised; she smiled at him and lifted her hips enough so he could pull the entire thing down.

He easily reached behind her and snapped her bra off before moving a hand forward to squeeze and caress the flesh he'd just exposed, groaning. She moaned and arched into him.

He felt her fingers running through his hair, holding his head to her chest as he paid attention to her awesome rack, and he sat up abruptly, taking in just how cute she really was. Then he got bored, and reached down to pull his pants off—he blinked and his pants were gone. Confused, he looked up at Nene, and she winked and pointed over their shoulder, where his pants had wound up.

Oookay, that worked out excellently—he shoved inside with no pretense, and she moaned, her back arching, her hands grabbing his ass and pulling him closer; he sunk inside fully before pulling out, and as he started up a fast pace, realized JUST WHAT THE HELL HE WAS DOING—he was in Hideyoshi's bed, fucking Hideyoshi's wife, in Hideyoshi's house—

They had names for people like that (ASSHOOOOOOOOOOLE) but Toshiie found himself not giving much of a crap (and the gorgeous naked woman moaning his name probably had something to do with that, of course).

"Toshiie, harder, NOW," Nene ordered, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes, and Toshiie figured if he was a friend's-wife-fucking-asshole, he might as well go for the gold—he grinned at her, picked up her hips, and thrusted wildly, her squeals and moans of delight filling the entire apartment.

-

"I've wanted to do that all week!" said Nene, smiling and rolling over, snuggling up to Toshiie's chest.

"So have I," admitted Toshiie, hugging her tightly.

"You're the first man I've ever had sex with who wasn't my husband," Nene admitted shyly.

Toshiie leaned in to kiss her. "Well I'm honored," he told her seriously, "…and I think you left fingernail marks in my ass."

"Serves you right for having such a delectable one~"

"Nene! That's not fair, I think there's skin missing!"

"Well Hideyoshi doesn't have much of an ass," Nene mused, "I guess I got greedy~"

"How sweet," sighed Toshiie, "ah well. If I gotta lose eight chunks of my ass every time we do this I suppose it's for a good cause~"

Nene smiled warmly, snuggling close and laying her head on his chest, putting an arm around him. "Toshiie~" she said happily, closing her eyes. Toshiie got an arm around her, tugging her closer and kissing the top of her head. Nene kept her head where it was, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat (while her hand perved out and molested his muscles, of course~). He laughed, molesting her boobs and pulling her on top of him so he could kiss her again.

"You know, it's been a good six months since Hideyoshi's taken time out to have sex with me," Nene pouted. Her eyes took on a sudden evil glint. "Are you ready again yet?" she asked, sitting up and rubbing herself against him.

"Always ready," Toshiie told her, and promptly groaned when she sat up and sat _down_ and his entire world was Nene again—"Neneeeee!"

Nene smiled, straddling his hips and rocking on top of him, sighing. "You feel so good~" she chirped, "so good I want it HARDER! Pick it up!"

Toshiie blinked at how hot/terrifying she was looking, and decided it unwise to disobey a direct order when she looked all homicidal like that. He thrust upwards a few times, seeking approval, which was responded with a cheer from Nene as she bucked her tiny hips and rode him even harder—why oh why hadn't they done this on MONDAY!?

Because then the story would have been all sex and no awkward sexual tension and that's no fun for the author, answered the Keiji-like voice in his head. That and if you two were fucking all week, Keiji never would have made a much-welcome appearance in this story!

Right, right, can't have a story without Keiji—wait, WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT KEIJI RIGHT NOW!? Ew!

Toshiie put all thought of his idiot nephew in the back of his mind (where he rightfully belonged) and focused on the beautiful woman on top of him, who was mercilessly demanding he pick his pace up AGAIN—

"Toshiie do you not understand what HARDER MEANS!?" Nene shouted, her fingernails digging into his chest this time as her hips slammed down on him, "are you twenty-three or an old man!? Pick it up!"

"You have it easy! I'm doing all the work!" Toshiie whined, thrusting as hard as he could—good lord his hips were burning! This was hard!

Maybe this is why Hideyoshi doesn't have sex with her, Toshiie thought with a groan, he can't physically do it! He was in much better shape than Hideyoshi was and he didn't think he'd be able to hold off much longer!

Nene sighed, smiling when he started to thrust like he meant it again—"ooooh, like that!"

"Right," grunted Toshiie, sitting up and tangling his fingers in her hair to kiss her again for two reasons; one, she was a great kisser and making out was fun, and two, with her mouth distracted she couldn't bark out any more damn orders that might make him pull a damn muscle.

Damn good thing, too, since his insides were twisting a bit as he tried to hold off from _exploding_—he pulled back a bit. "Nene, I have to—uhh—"

Nene scowled, reaching between his legs and grabbing him in a vice grip. "Don't you dare! I'm not done!"

Yeah, that went about as well as Toshiie expected it to—he flailed pathetically, screwing his face up—"no faaaaaair!"

"I'm a growing woman and you have to wait until I'm completely satisfied, or you're not tapping this again, mister!" Nene scowled.

Toshiie whimpered, sinking back into the bed and nodding meekly, letting her have her wicked way with his poor abused body as much as she wanted, reaching up to play with her boobs again to at least make this a bit less like RAPE—

Then Nene gasped and moaned and clamped down on him, and her hand let go, and Toshiie came with (what felt like) the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. She gave an exhausted, thoroughly pleased sigh, and plopped over on the bed next to him, taking enough time to snuggle up to him before falling asleep.

"Thank god," Toshiie groaned, "g'night, Nene…"

All was quiet for a few minutes, and Toshiie was just starting to fall asleep when Nene sat up and squawked "OH MY GOD!" so abruptly he thought a burglar was in the house—"Nene what is it!?" he squawked, sitting up frantically and looking around.

"Hideyoshi comes home tomorrow!" Nene gasped, "_tomorrow_!"

"Oh, right, tomorrow's Saturday, isn't it," said Toshiie, frowning, "dammit."

"That's exactly what I thought!" Nene whined, "that means we have about eight hours of sex time before he gets back, give or take your recovery time and the fact that we have to eat breakfast and lunch and probably a snack somewhere in between!"

Toshiie's eyes got wide as he listened to that—he looked down at his man-parts which had thankfully recovered from their BOUT OF TORTURE, and looked at Nene fearfully. Was he going to be ALIVE eight hours from now!?

"We probably shouldn't be wasting time _sleeping_, hmm~?" Nene smirked, that totally hot 'I am going to fuck you to an inch of your life whether you like it or not, Toshiie Maeda' expression on her face. Toshiie had a brief flash of fear, the same flash of fear that has kept humanity alive to this day, and thought for a second. Why the hell not~ He grinned, and she grinned back before tackling him again.

-

_Saturday_~

"Nene?" called Hideyoshi, "I'm home!"

"Oh, hello, dear," said Nene, pouting a bit, yanking her hand out of Toshiie's pants and hurrying out into the living room to give her husband a quick hug. "How was your trip?"

"Oh, some of this, some of that, nothing worth mentioning," said Hideyoshi cheerfully, "you and Toshiie have fun?"

"We sure did," said Nene brightly, "didn't we, Toshiie?"

If by 'fun', you mean 'sex against every surface in this house', Toshiie thought sheepishly, but nodded to his friend. "Yeah, loads," he said agreeably.

"Well I'm sorry to have put you out, Toshiie, but I felt a lot better being gone with you watching out for Nene," said Hideyoshi.

"Nene's great company, Hideyoshi, I didn't mind at all," said Toshiie, grinning, "…in fact, if you don't keep your eyes peeled, I might just _steal_ her!" He laughed.

And so did Nene.

And so did Hideyoshi, until he scowled rather horribly. "If you did that, I would invent ways of killing you," he informed Toshiie seriously.

Nene covered her mouth with her hands.

"…just kidding!" laughed Hideyoshi, "I mean, come on, like you'd _ever_~"

"Right," agreed Toshiie weakly, "and why wouldn't you, your wife's a great catch, Hideyoshi…"

"You sound like you've given this some thought!" said Hideyoshi, glaring at Toshiie, "did you two conduct some sordid affair behind my back?"

"Oh, that's my darling, always with the jokes," giggled Nene, giving Toshiie a 'LAUGH OR I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP' glare. Toshiie offered Hideyoshi a winning grin.

Hideyoshi apparently seemed to buy it. "Well, okay," he said, and then his phone rang and he got distracted—"hello? Oh he_llo_, Cha-cha, missing me _already_, are you—I MEAN, UH, NOT NOW, MITSUNARI, I'M AT HOME!" He hung up the phone quickly and gave his wife a convincing smile.

Nene smiled back, the urge to break his arms and legs rising, and turned her attention back to the attractive elephant in the room. "Thanks for staying with me, Toshiie, I really appreciate it," she said, beaming up at him.

Toshiie managed a convincing chuckle. "No problem at all," he told her, resisting the urge to punch out Hideyoshi temporarily, just long enough for them to run off for another quickie against the kitchen counter—"Hideyoshi, you're not going out of town anytime soon, are you?"

"Huh?" Hideyoshi was texting (Cha-Cha) and not paying attention. "Oh! I mean—uhh—what did you ask me?"

"He asked you if it's all right if he comes over for dinner sometimes," said Nene sweetly.

"He did?" Hideyoshi looked between them, and shrugged. "Well of course!. As far as I'm concerned you could have the shirt on my back~ I'd do anything for you, pal. And if there's anything you ever need, or want, just ask and it's yours!"

"Heh heh," said Toshiie innocently, "…wait, does that include—"

"Just as long as you never lay a hand on my wife, of course." Hideyoshi then went back to texting his mistress, oblivious to all.

Nene sighed and grabbed Toshiie's arm. "Come on," she said, "I'll walk you to the elevator, at least…"

Toshiie barely waited for the door to close behind them before he was kissing her again, getting an arm around her waist and pulling her close, tipping her head up with his free hand. "I don't want to leave," he admitted sheepishly.

"I don't want you to either," Nene admitted, "…come and visit again sometime?" Her words were light enough, but he could catch the pleading—more like _forceful_—note in her voice. She frowned after a moment—hey, enough with the mush, this is a _comedy_!—and stood to her full height (about 5'3", she barely came up to Toshiie's shoulder). "If you don't come visit me again I'm going to have to sic Nō on you," she said firmly, "and that is a threat I'm very able to carry out!"

Toshiie nodded hurriedly, giving her a smile. "I'll visit so often you'll have to throw me out," he promised, and leaned in to kiss her again, letting his lips linger longer than they should've—Hideyoshi could come out here at any time!! But he didn't want to leave!!

"…quickie in the elevator?" Nene offered.

Toshiie did a quick double-take, and grinned. He tossed Nene over his shoulder and carried her off towards the elevator, grateful they lived on the 35th floor.

-

"BURGLAR!" squawked Hideyoshi, when Nene came back inside the apartment, "…oh, it's just you, Nene."

"Yes, it's _just me_, just your wife," grumbled Nene. Her hair was messed up, her lips were swollen from sucking face with Toshiie down 35 flights of elevator and her dress was wrinkled as all hell. In other words, she looked like she'd just gotten very thoroughly fucked, but since Hideyoshi hadn't looked up from his phone yet, she figured she was fine.

"Nene, look at this funny animation Cha-Ch—I mean, uh, _Mitsunari_ sent me!" said Hideyoshi gleefully, waving her over.

Nene groaned. "Is it another banana peeling itself animation, Hideyoshi? You sent me like four of those when you were away!"

"I did?" asked Hideyoshi curiously. "Oh. Must've done that by accident. I don't even think I have you in here as a contact, dear." After all, couldn't have any of his mistresses poking through his phone and finding out he was _married_, right~? Wasn't that what got Tiger Woods?

"Yes, and they still came with whatever dirty, perverted, _sexually-themed_ message your stupid whore had written when she forwarded it to you!" Nene scowled.

"Nene, I can't believe you'd even suggest that!" gasped Hideyoshi, "I thought it was part of our agreement! And Cha-Cha is a nice lady!"

"What agreement!? I didn't sign any agreement! And I'm sure she's lovely! You two will be very happy together in the afterlife once _I kill you both_!"

"Yes you did!" Hideyoshi held up a copy of their marriage license, which he carried in his back pocket to remind his wife of whenever she got all bloodthirsty—"And again with the death threats, Nene!?"

"That's not an agreement to cheat on me left and right! I signed that because I love you! And I'll threaten you until I'm blue in the face, _darling_!"

"And I love you too! I love you so much that I won't allow our relationship to be tainted by the disgusting nature of _lying_," said Hideyoshi, shaking his head, "ugh, liars. I hate liars. Those who lie should have to forfeit their human credentials!" He looked at Nene. "Nene, why don't you look happy?"

Nene sighed, looking out the window. Was it too late to go running after Toshiie?—he might still be in the building—"TOSHIIE YOU FORGOT YOUR JACKET!" she yelled, sprinting back out of the house.

Hideyoshi watched her go, and let out a sigh of relief. Oh, thank _god_—as much as he loved Nene, he couldn't keep having sex with her, it was _killing him_!

She's Toshiie's erectile dysfunction _now_, he decided, smiling, raising his cell phone in a salute to wherever Toshiie might be at the moment.

-

Gaaahhhh that took longer than I expected it to! :(

I think I'm the only person in the DW/SW/WO fandom who ships Toshiie/Nene, but I'll be that proud shipper, dammit! XD

You probably noticed that, like in real life, Monday was the longest of the days. That and I didn't feel like thinking of a bunch of ideas for each day.

That's not the end, next chapter is the epilogue :) Check that out and tell me what you think!


	2. Week 2: Oichi

Had to split this in two, it was getting way too long. D:

-

EPILOGUE

-

_Sunday~_

"Is wife-sitting a new trend, or something?" Toshiie asked, confused. "I mean… I've never heard of it _before_…"

"Eh, I figure it's one o' those damned new-age things," said Katsuie, scratching his (balding) head, "like those damn little music things…"

"iPods?" asked Toshiie.

"No, that thing that eats those flat donut-shaped things in my car! Whatever it is!"

"CD players?"

"Don't get smart with me!" Katsuie scowled. "You learn how to operate one little dinky shitty thing and then you think you own the place!"

Toshiie rolled his eyes. "Where are you going anyway?"

"Some techno-expo thing," grumbled Katsuie, "boss says I'm getting _too out of touch with the times_. Fuck 'im, I say, when the end of the world happens, I'll be prepared, dammit!"

"Still running that kerosene lamp in your bedroom?" Toshiie guessed.

"You shaddap!" Katsuie fumbled about in his pockets for his room key, finally finding it—"dammit, how does this thing—" He swiped the card in the slot and scowled when it made a 'PLLLLLLLLT' sound of denial at him.

"Nobunaga still has that good ol' sense of humor, huh?" Toshiie chuckled. "Try using it the other way, old man."

"I was gonna do that!" grumbled Katsuie, tugging the card out of the slot and swiping it again.

"Yeah, three hours later when you ran out of possible combinations," agreed Toshiie. "So, uh, watch out for Oichi for a few days? I can do that."

"Stupid monkey-face was blabbin' somethin' about you helpin' his wife out," said Katsuie, kicking at the door to make it open, "so I figured, you don't do anythin' all day, might as well get you off your ass and do something productive—god DAMN this infernal creation! DAMMIT MONKEY YOU'RE BEHIND THIS, AREN'T YOU!?"

"No, you just don't know how to work the door, old man!"

"…no, stupid monkey's at work, I think… so he must have done this first thing in the morning! BASTARD!"

"…wait, Hideyoshi's at work right now?" Toshiie asked, his eyes widening.

"S' what I said, isn't it!? Don't tell me you're goin' deaf too, y—HEY!" Katsuie shouted, when Toshiie sprinted towards the elevator, "y'little shit, don't you run off when I'm insulting you!"

"Katsuie?" asked Oichi, opening the door, "everything all right, dear?"

"Oichi!" said Katsuie, eyes widening, "you managed to open the door—I'm truly not worthy of such a wonderful wife!"

"I do my best," said Oichi, smiling, "…has the mail gotten here yet?"

-

_  
Monday~_

"Oh, hi, Toshiie," said Oichi, opening the door, "come in, come in, Katsuie just left…"

"Yeah, I saw him when I was getting on the elevator from the lobby, old bastard hit all the buttons too," grumbled Toshiie.

Oichi laughed. "Yep, that does sound like him~ thanks for coming to stay with me, by the way, Katsuie knows I don't like being home alone!"

"No problem at all," said Toshiie, dropping his stuff on the floor and grinning at her, "wouldn't want you to have to re-enact what you did to those burglars with that kendama a couple weeks ago…"

Oichi laughed again. "Oh, you mean _that_? That was nothing, they were only in critical care in the hospital for about a week!"

"Better hope they don't sue," commented Toshiie, and he noticed the picture of the handsome blonde (speaking as a straight guy, at least, this little blondie had nothing on _him_!) on the coffee table.

Oichi caught his gaze and smiled weakly. "I bet you're wondering who that is?" she guessed.

"Shibata better not have found a adolescent friend he likes more than me," grumbled Toshiie, "…that sounded really weird, didn't it?"

"I understand the reference," Oichi assured him, "but, uh, wouldn't advise you to say that in public…"

"Right."

"Anyway, this guy… he was my first husband," Oichi said, sounding sad. "His name was Nagamasa, Nagamasa Azai. He was wonderful, the sweetest man I've ever met, and let me tell you how long his—"

"OKAY," interrupted Toshiie loudly.

"I was going to say how long his love poetry for me was," sniffed Oichi, "get your head out of the gutter, Toshiie—but actually while we're on the subject he _did _measure in at a whopping 10 and a half inches—"

Toshiie made a bit of a face, looking down at his crotch a bit self-doubtingly.

"Anyway," said Oichi, sighing, "this day, two years ago, he died. In a car accident."

"Oh," said Toshiie, feeling bad, "I'm sorry, Oichi…"

"And ever since then there's been a black cloud of misery floating over my head," sniffled Oichi, "he was so young and wonderful and and and—"

"I guess it's true about only the good die young?" offered Toshiie.

"Was that supposed to make me feel better!?"

"…yes?"

"You're terrible at this sympathy thing, you know that?"

Toshiie groaned. According to Keiji (who used to come wailing to him every time Okuni broke up with him (happened every other week, nowadays)), he had the sensitivity of a blunt axe when it came to dealing with sad things. Because it was no good to dwell on sad things! Look towards the future!

"Well… at least you found Katsuie?" Toshiie offered.

Oichi burst into tears.

Toshiie groaned. Oh, man. He sucked. "Don't cry!" he said quickly, "uhh—I mean—well, uh, Nagamasa would want you to be happy?"

"How do I know he wanted me to be happy? He never said he would be! If he had said "Oichi, if I were to die in some sort of a freak car accident three feet from the house we share, I want you to be _happy_!" then okay, but he never _said_ something like that!"

"And why would he?" agreed Toshiie, admittedly having no idea what to say to cheer up the miserable crying woman, "uhhh…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Oichi, wiping her eyes, "you're right, it's no good to dwell over the past—"

Toshiie had absolutely no idea how Oichi had _read his fucking mind_, but he just smiled and nodded. "What… happened to him?" he asked, looking at the picture of Nagamasa again, "car accident, you said?"

"Yeah," sniffled Oichi, "and it wasn't just _any_ car accident, some moron was—oh, I'll just tell you what happened…"

-

_Two years ago~_

Nagamasa Azai cheerfully jogged down the sidewalk of the street he lived on with his darling wife Oichi, waving to all the neighbors, saying hello to all the birds~ everything was just wonderful in the life of Nagamasa~

He inhaled deeply and exhaled, a giant smile threatening to overtake his handsome face. "Hello world and all who inhabit it! What a beautiful day~ the sun is shining, the birds are chirping~ I look good, I feel good, and I'm wearing a smile that says 'Nagamasa Azai, you're a winner!' Nothing could possibly make this moment horrib—"

SQUISH.

Katsuie looked in his rear-view mirror to see what the hell he ran over, and recognized a familiar blonde head of hair. He grinned, evilly.

"Well. I certainly don't regret that," he said, resisting the urge to burst out laughing. Maybe he'd make a call to Oichi a bit later… after he stopped driving on the sidewalk, of course…

-

"I don't like to talk about it," Oichi wailed.

"I'm sorry," said Toshiie, wide-eyed, "…that's _terrible_, but… at least you got the old man out of it?"

"Oh, yes," said Oichi, smiling weakly, "Katsuie is a wonderful man…"

"He is," said Toshiie, smiling, "as good as a father, in my case!"

"…and a terrible husband he doesn't satisfy my needs at aaaaall," wailed Oichi, dissolving into tears again, "he's fifty-eight years old and although he's such a sweet man he can't—and we don't—aaaaaaaarghhhh!" She wailed into her hands for a moment, and then finally just flung herself right into Toshiie's arms, crying into his shirt and making Toshiie _reaaaaaally _hoping she couldn't read minds.

After about a good hour of Oichi sobbing into his chest, Toshiie was really regretting bringing the subject of Katsuie and his awesomeness up. Well, then again how was _he_ supposed to know Oichi's rather tragic past—"come on, Oichi, please don't cry—" He tried patting her back a bit.

"I can't help but cry! Do you know what it's like to live a life with no _sex_!?" whined Oichi, "it's awful! Ever since Nagamasa died I just—" And she broke off in more wails.

"You—you haven't had sex in two years!?" squawked Toshiie, "how long have you been married to the old man again!?"

"Like six months!" sniffled Oichi, "we have to wait for his _shipment of Viagra to get here_!" She sobbed messily, wiping at her eyes. "And it keeps getting _delayed_!!" She burst into more tears and was back at it again.

Toshiie made gagging faces over Oichi's head. EW.

-

_Tuesday_~

"Oichi, someone coming over?" Toshiie asked, noticing Oichi fluffing up pillows.

"Oh, yes, my stupid bitch of a sister-in-law," grumbled Oichi, sighing loudly. "I recommend hiding. _Now_. She's—"

"Oichi, my dear, how long to you intend to keep me standing out here waiting?" came a voice at the door, a familiar voice that made Toshiie's blood drop a couple hundred degrees in temperature. Oichi sighed, smoothing her pink blouse, and went to answer the door.

"Nō," she greeted with no enthusiasm, "looking well, as always."

"Yes, yes… and I see your husband isn't supporting you, as always," said Nō, looking around disdainfully, "still running on kerosene lamps?"

"Well, perhaps if Nobunaga didn't work him to death, he could figure something out," said Oichi with a bright smile, her eye twitching (urge to sink fingernails into Nō's neck and rip it out RISING). "Nō, this is Toshiie, he's—"

"Toshiie Maeda?" Nō asked curiously.

"Yes?" said Oichi, blinking, "you know Toshiie?" She looked around for him, and frowned. "He was just here—Toshiie? Where'd you go?"

"Sent him running for the hills already, have you?" Nō asked, shaking her head.

Oichi was quite tempted to smash the front door into Nō's face, and then rip it off the hinges and smash Nō with it until she was nothing more than a puddle of purple condescending ooze, but instead swallowed her Oda wrath and settled for smiling. "Well, I think the mention of your name is what sent him running…"

(Toshiie was currently hiding in the bathtub.)

Nō smirked, sitting in the recliner and crossing her legs, licking her lips. "I can wait for him to surface," she purred, "I'd like to get as much… _quality time_… with Toshiie as I can get, you see…"

"And what does that mean?" Oichi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies," answered Nō.

Oichi just rolled her eyes. Stupid sister-in-law.

-

_Friday~_

Toshiie had actually been a bit reluctant to rebound so quickly from Nene, who had potential of being the absolute love of his life were she not married to Hideyoshi.

But now that he was fucking Oichi up against the living room wall, with her legs wrapped around his waist, one hand running through his hair crazily and her other groping his ass, with her loud squeals filling up the house, well, uh, yeah. Awkward.

Not really. Oichi was moaning in his ear, Toshiie wasn't paying attention to anything but Oichi and giving her the best sex she'd had in her entire _life_, and both of them were so wrapped up in their own little world of horny—heck, their whole little _week _of horny, considering they'd been at this since Tuesday night when Oichi'd jumped him when he was asleep—that neither of them noticed the front door swing open, and a cheerful Katsuie enter the house with a loud "OIIIIIIIIIIICHI~".

Katsuie frowned. Hey, what was—and then he heard the _moaning_, and turned to see Toshiie fucking his beautiful _wife_ against the wall—"TOSHIIE!" he bellowed, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?"

"I would think that's fairly—SHIBATA OH FUCKING HELL," gasped Toshiie—"you—what—"

"KATSUIE!?" gasped Oichi, picking her head up from Toshiie's shoulder—"uh, hee hee, I can explain—why are you home _early_!?"

"I decided to come home early to see my _wife_, rather than spend another lonely night in that blasted hotel—TOSHIIE GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WIFE YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

"B-b-b-but—you said to take care of her! And—and give her what she wanted! And—" Toshiie was caught red-handed—and, uh, boob-handed; "I'm sorry!?" he offered, and winced for a punch anyway.

"SORRY DOESN'T FIX YOU FUCKING MY WIFE," Katsuie raged, "you little shit, where the hell do you get off—"

"That's exactly it, Katsuie!" complained Oichi, speaking up, "I _don't_ get off! Unless I'm in the bathroom, _alone_, because _you_ never have sex with me!"

"I'm fifty-eight years old!"

"Then stop being so _cheap_ and go for the expedited shipping on the Viagra!"

Katsuie made a series of unpleasant-looking faces and mimed at Toshiie—"not in front of _him_!" he hissed, "dammit, Oichi I got an image to maintain in front of the little—"

"He already knows everything," said Oichi tauntingly, "even the topography of my _boobs_!" She stuck her tongue out at her husband.

Toshiie would personally rather _be_ punched in the face rather than listen to any more tales of Katsuie and Oichi's erectile dysfunction-induced marriage problems, and tried to make a grab for his pants discreetly.

Except since it'd been a good three days since he'd put a pair of pants _on, _so he didn't know where the hell to actually find a pair. He tried to slink over towards the bedroom all ninja-like, but since he was over six feet tall and nearly 200 pounds of muscle, therefore not ninja-like at all, Katsuie grabbed him by his hair and dragged him back, getting in his face.

Ew. Angry Katsuie was an ugly Katsuie.

"I'M STILL NOT DONE WITH YOU, YOU NAKED LITTLE PIGLET—how the hell could you possibly think 'watch out for her' meant have sex with her!? Didn't anyone ever teach you any manners!? You don't tread on a man's territory and touch his wife!" Katsuie hollered, gushing hot air into Toshiie's face.

"You _winked_!" Toshiie explained feebly.

"SINCE WHEN DOES A WINK MEAN FUCK MY WIFE!?"

"Well when said wife is _completely unsatisfied _I think it's in order!" huffed Oichi, "Toshiie, you're welcome here whenever you're in the neighborhood!"

"NO HE IS NOT!"

"YES HE IS! Toshiie's _my_ new friend now! Don't be mad just because he likes me more than he likes you!"

"HE DOESN'T LIKE ANYONE MORE THAN HE LIKES ME!"

"Actually—"

"YOU SHUT UP! Nobody likes _you_, wife-stealer!"

"But—"

"Don't worry, Toshiie, _I_ like you!"

"Would you stop it already!? Dammit Oichi—"

"_Would you stop it already_!?" Oichi mimicked, "you're just not the man you thought you were if Toshiie could come in here and steal my heart just like that!"

Toshiie had to speak up at _that_—"You jumped me!"

Oichi glared at Toshiie, giving him a 'PLAY ALONG' look, and Toshiie was actually more inclined to follow the orders of the guy with the death grip on his hair—he offered Katsuie a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry?" he offered.

"You're lucky you're my damn protégé or I'd kick you outta my house so hard you'd be tasting my boot," Katsuie growled, "now get, or I'll beat your ass to the heavens and back!"

All right, Toshiie had had quite enough of _this_ abuse—he waited until Katsuie finally let him go ('letting him go' should more accurately say 'threw him into the coffee table') and got up, finally finding a pair of his pants.

"You know, Katsuie," he began, ignoring Oichi who was miming all sorts of dirty activity at him, "I reckon I've already been to heaven."

"Hmph," grumbled Katsuie. "I don't wanna hear about whatever bullshit PCP dreams you're goin' on about!"

"LCD," corrected Oichi, rolling her eyes.

"LSD," Toshiie corrected them both, sighing—"no, actually, it wasn't on an LSD-induced hallucination, thanks." He looked around before grinning. "It was _inside your wife_."

Oichi was shocked. Toshiie was proud (that came out just like he wanted it to!). Katsuie had an odd expression on his face. And then he grinned. Not just any grin. That was Katsuie's special grin.

"Let me respond to that in the following way," he began.

-

Kunoichi sighed, kicking a rock across the street. Finding out her longtime boyfriend Yukimura Sanada had been cheating on her with the guy she'd been cheating on _him_ with had been awkward, needless to say. Stupid Mitsunari and his dumb suggestions for a _threesome_.

Heck, she'd thought Yukimura had been The One, until she'd gotten bored with him; she'd met Mitsunari at Yukimura's birthday party, and after the two of them had gotten thoroughly wasted, their hungover and naked selves were kicked out of the back of Kanetsugu Naoe's 'Pickup Truck of Honor' (laugh if you must, but Kanetsugu had to beat women off his 'Sword of Honor'), had decided they were made for each other, and proceeded to have sex they could _remember._

The affair had continued for a good four and a half years until she walked in on him and Yukimura, err, _having naked time_, and the shit hit the fan when they both saw her at once and exclaimed "Kunoichi, join the party!" That had gotten some rather odd looks.

ANYWAY… Kunoichi made a face, looking up at the night sky. When was _she_ gonna get her rising sun!?

Well, pun not intended, since it was nighttime and all that, but—damn it all, but was it too much to ask for? That a ridiculously attractive naked guy is going to fall from the sky and be held completely at her mercy? And _like_ it?

As if the gods above were answering her prayers, a window broke on the 10th floor of Oda Towers, and a naked Toshiie was promptly kicked out of the Shibata apartment by a furious Katsuie and sent flying through the air like some sort of attractive naked screaming projectile.

Kunoichi was too busy not paying attention to notice, but when Toshiie hit the ground with a loud "OOF!", she spun around, and her eyes widened. A lot.

A huge grin spread across her lips, and she mouthed a quick 'thank you!' at whatever higher deities who liked her enough to grant her _this_, before grabbing Toshiie's arms and hauling him up.

"Where am I," Toshiie asked groggily (apparently having had hit his head upon impact).

"You're safe, don't worry," said Kunoichi, a perverted, evil grin plastered to her face. "Can't make any guarantees for _later_, of course…"

-

I got ideas for this one all over the place; Koei Wiki mentioned that Toshiie had a crush on Nene historically, or something, which is where I got the idea for that a while back. And according to the same Koei Wiki, Toshiie was also an admirer of Oichi too (get in line, buddy). Guy gets around! XD


End file.
